Battle of wills

If I cannot humble myself to God’s will, with complete surrender and sacrifice of my own ways, needs and desires, then it is foolishness to believe myself a vessel of servitude, reflecting God’s goodness, love and mercy unto others. If I need things my way and in my timing He will step aside and allow me to act like a spoiled princess. At this point, I am then operating according to my own belief, understanding and strength. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB) Says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. He will not try things my way which is limited to my understanding of the world because it’s measure is based on the amount of world I have experienced. Therefore my experience is not even a grain of sand held up beside the size of Earth in comparison to His understanding. No He will not join me in doing what I want, but He will allow me the freedom to choose selfishness over sacrifice. As I linger in my own understanding, living life my way, He stands ready to pick right back up where we left off as soon as my temper tantrum subsides and my realization kicks in of his understanding and my understanding are as an ant to the size of the universe. While operating in my own understanding, belief and strength my life is experienced accordingly. If I see something sad I may react over emotionally and when I feel angry I may permanently damage relationships by my emotionally unrestrained actions and words. All of which God will patiently allow as he gently and persistently calls me back to the safety of his arms and the faith in His ability to guide me in the right way. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.— Proverbs 12:15(NASB) If I want to decide what’s good for me, what I desire most and demand my rights, Father God will step aside and let me live by what I think and feel is best for me no matter how tiny my best may be in comparison to his best for me. When I insist on doing what I think is right, best, fair, etc. I am then operating within my own strength and abilities. Physical pain may become worse or even unbearable, relationships suffer as emotions become heightened and I start to think my suffering for the sake of others goes unappreciated. Fatigue sets in and time disappears without a trace. My to do’s pile high while my sleep is scarce. Although I may try with all my might, I will fail miserably at portraying The Fruit of His Spirit in my life during this time. Operating in my own understanding and strength will eventually lead me right back to a place of desperation much like where I had started from. What may look to me like a good; thing, way, word, service, etc., is not always good. And how often have I really checked my true motive? See one of the absolute hardest things to do is pay close attention to how we are operating from the inside and what really motivates our actions and decisions. Often coming to realize the natural, almost habitual way we unthinkingly are led by selfish motivation, seems we’re always in some way looking out for ourselves. Sure we can be more then willing to help those we love along the way and even truly sacrifice for them. But if we stopped to look within our own hearts, unbiased, open to truth, would we find out we lie even to ourselves? If our heart is what Father God judges, doesn’t it stand to reason then that we should know what’s in there for him to judge? So many of us avoid even a slight glance into our own hearts because we know that we never cleaned up all the shattered pieces we shoved in there over and over again from past trauma pain and sorrow. We habitually keep shoving the broken pieces back in there deciding we will get to it after the pain eases a little. Our reasoning that we need to be prepared and ready before we go there is why so many of us just never go there. James 4:8-10(NASB) tells us, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. How long will we wander in the wilderness of our testing before we open our eyes to what needs changing within us? Sometimes we linger in the wilderness, heavy with the burden of the trial, never seeing the light of our breakthrough that leads to our promised blessing. We cannot overcome a wrong attitude, a wrong behavior, or a wrong pattern of thought while we are still trying to justify it. Once we lay down our crown with complete surrender, He promises, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. “— Psalm 32:8 (NASB) And He tells us, For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. — Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB) And remember friends, for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. — Philippians 2:13(NASB) Until next time may God bless you and keep you as you seek him with all your heart.