Once brokenhearted

Have you ever had a real broken heart? I’m not talking about I’ll miss you, cry for a few days and be over it kind of broken heart. I’m talking about that ache deep in your core, somewhere between your lungs and above your stomach. That block, something is there but you cant get it out. No amount of tears can help you. That desperation kind of heartache. You try to keep busy so you don’t have time to dwell on it but it traps you. You cant move. You either want to die or make it go away. Have you ever had this kind of broken heart?

I used to live with this broken heart everyday. I was continually suffocated by it. Sometimes I would get relief for an hour, maybe a day, but then it would just come back to torture me again and again. It wasn’t about loosing the love of my life, he was still there right beside me, trying to understand how I could be so happy yet so utterly unhappy at the same time. It was not about loosing my children, their smiling faces would shine up at me everyday just wishing mommy had the power to smile more often. You see,  it wasn’t about loosing a loved one to the hereafter, or not having my dreams fulfilled, or being alone. No, the hardest thing  was, it was not because I had anything to be unhappy about.

           I had a wonderful life. I was surrounded by people who loved and supported me. Problems? Sure, I have lived a life of ups and downs, but who hasn’t? We all have burdens to bear. In fact, I couldn’t pinpoint one thing to be heart broken about in my life.

           There it is! An unending, unyielding, broken, shattered heart for absolutely no reason at all. How do you beat that? How do you heal that? How do you make it stop? When hurt by circumstances, it is easy enough to just change the circumstances, then just like that the hurt is gone. What could I do about this broken heart? It was just there taking over my mind and body as it pleased. How could I make it stop? How could I continue to live with the unending pain that would catch me off guard and wanted to destroy me?

 

It seems that, all around us are the devil’s lies. Most of which we haven’t even discovered are lies and so still believe them as truth. So many of us go through our days just trying to breathe, searching for hope, all while feeling tired and alone. So much of the feedback we receive from others is muddied and often hollow, for brokenness, heartache and struggle make up the true pandemic these days.

Everyone is hurting, everyone is struggling just to barely survive. Each of us in our own personal way, gasp for air as the waves carry us away.

 

Where is a hearing and listening heart?

Where is a timeless shoulder?  Where is a cheerful giver?

Where is a non-complainer?

Where is an encouraging speaker? Where is an unbiased leader?

 

Our society as a whole, it seems,  took a path that felt good and sounded right. We never saw the dividing wall through all the laughter and the smiles. Smooth and Sly the serpents invisible walls started to divide. Broken homes, broken friendships, broken families, broken countries, broken lives. Everyone must fend for themselves, no time for another’s problems and strife. What about me, what about me, what about me we all cry! None seem able to put themselves aside.

Have we, become so deceived, blind, full of wishful thinking, rose colored glasses wearing or downright truth ignoring, in today’s society?

 

Have we, in an effort to build ourself up, to love ourselves, to self motivate, really become shut off and cold to each other? Have we hardened our hearts, taking the community out of humanity?

 

Ashamed I fell to the floor and surrender my crown, asking the Lord to take the lead, when in my spirit I heard, if you want to change your heart and find the purpose to your life, all you have to do is change your mind. Fix your eyes upon Almighty God and refuse to believe the world and all its lies. It’s your choice when your confusion finally dies.

 

In this upside-down world amidst sorrow and pain, there is still a beautiful joy to be found. John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

 

Jesus said in  John 15:11, “These things I have spoken to you so My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.”

 

I no longer live in that almost constant state of depression. Jesus pursued me and found me thirsty! Hungry for what only He can provide, to this day He never ceases to fill me up. Even with all my sadness, my flaws, He pursued even me. Wow!

 

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

— Philippians 4:4.

 

Until next time, may God bless you and keep you, as you seek Him with your whole heart.

 

 

 

Once upon a time

A crazy thing about my mind, I think, is my ability to trick myself. Nobody wants to believe they have any major faults within them. Personally I like to believe I am a pretty good person. Patient, gentle, giving, law-abiding, non-judging, practicing Christian (at least to the best of my abilities) are some of the attributes I would say could describe me.

Sure I have a less than desirable side too that comes out here and there. I’m well aware I have some imperfections, but hey, nobody’s perfect, right? So long as I’m doing my best, not hurting anybody, and not telling anyone else how to live, all is well and good it would seem.

And as long as my final destination, is what may come, from the best of my abilities here on Earth, I’d be right with such ideas as these. At least while I still live.

Therein lies the problem. The final destination I have in mind, is so far beyond my abilities, it’s almost being cruel to myself even entertaining the thoughts that I could end up there. Seriously, my chances are less than a high school dropout getting into Harvard. And to make matters worse that’s only based on who I know I am or who I believe I could be, it’s not counting those parts of me I trick myself into believing insignificant, or not even worth contemplating because they wouldn’t apply to me.

So there I was, according to me, a good person, living the best she knows how to live, all while dreaming of one day reaching a place, that short of a miracle, could never be reached. Then, I got my very own, “once upon a time” fairy tale story.

The beautiful thing about it is, I know the end is guaranteed to be happy no matter what I may run into along the road I walk getting there. For me having that guarantee is more than I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of especially as I’m known to veer off and get myself lost more frequently than I may be worth.

Once upon a time, I met Jesus!

I may have thought of myself as a good person before. That’s  When my standard was the world.

Romans 10:3 For not knowing about God’s righteousness and seeking to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God.

Isaiah 64:6 For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; And all of us wither like a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.

Now the standard could no longer be the world. Once I met Jesus the standard became Jesus. Now every hope of someday reaching that place was lost. No effort of mine could erase the bad things I have done and no future effort could possibly be enough to stand before Jesus and plead my case for the right to enter that place. I suppose had I not felt the unconditional, unexplainable, unmatchable love of Jesus, I would consider my chances completely hopeless at this point.

But I did! I did feel the love poured out for me like a tsunami enveloping my entire being.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), Ephesians 2:4-5

My happy ending, yet to come is guaranteed not by my own efforts, not by my own behavior, but by His grace through His love and mercy!!

Praise Father God, Lord Jesus and Holy Spirit!!

Now my final destination will be that place and through no effort of my own!

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

In a world where nothing is free and even the basic necessities of life come only through trading time and labor for money to pay for, grace is a hard concept to swallow. It’s to good to be true, is the first thought. Even the most giving of people always seem to have a price for their giving. I’ve heard them say the gift is from the Lord but come to church or lunch or something. Sometimes it’s a gift yet they mean to choose how it will be best used in your life. All small prices to pay for sure yet a price just the same.

This gift though, grace, Jesus death in place of mine, His suffering so I wouldn’t have to suffer, and all I have to do is say yes. Yes I believe and accept this sacrifice for my guilt, my wrongs. Then I also get to go to that place in the end.

Imagine, what kind of love is this? Love that would cause one to give up everything that’s rightfully theirs including their own life just to have someone like me say yes I accept you, yes I want to be your friend, yes I want to know you. It’s a love this world has never known. God who owns it all, Who’s all powerful, Who’s the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the God who created me and created everything this Earth has to offer for me, truly loves me. Even though I took for granted the very life He gave me, even though I turned away from Him, even though I loved the world instead of Him, He loved me so much He made Himself a man so He could be the true sacrifice to save me from that which I deserved. He loved me so much He took my punishment upon himself. What kind of love is this?

Honestly I don’t have a clue what love this is but I do know that I will spend the rest of my life seeking Him to find out. And at the same time, I will spend the rest of my life, singing His praises, for loving me though lost, so much, that I’ve been found.

Until next time may God bless you and keep you as you seek Him with your whole heart.

 

You are not an accident

To my daughter who was left to tread the muddy waters alone. As your little ones look to you for structure, guidance, discipline and love I see every single piece of the shattered heart you so courageously hide for the sake of the innocent.

 

To my son sitting there on the park bench alone, wondering if you could take your own life, instead of seeing the sad disappointment in the eyes of your family, having lost everything as payment for the years of hard work and sacrifice you so loyally gave. I know, through the hopeless desperation you feel, strength is your outward adornment, to save your loved ones from the fear and worry you know so very well.

 

To my young daughter who runs in the night, unsure of your destination, so long as it is far from his sight and also to my young son who has not a friend in the world, as life deals you the double tragedy of, the sudden loss of your family and your home.

 

To all my son’s and daughter’s who sacrifice every dream, every party, every holiday spent with family, every 1st of your growing child, and so many others sacrifices’ including your very life, to keep your country safe and secure. You may think no one notices what you are truly suffering, the things you go through without so much as a thank you from those your risking your lives to protect. I see, I see the deep grief from loss and I know the struggle to continue serving a world so un-appreciating and blind to what it truly takes so they can sleep in peace at night.

  

To all my children who can’t breathe, even a breath of relief, from the sorrow, heartache, and relentless pain you know and live each day of your life.

 

You are not an accident. You are not alone. You are not unworthy.

 I’ve been waiting for so long to finally have this opportunity to speak to you. Time is short and right now the most important thing to Me, is this message getting to you.

 

Will you hear what I want to say?

 

My Word that was written for you says, Psalm 139:15-16 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

You see David, a man after My own heart, wrote that as he was Inspired by My Spirit. He was beginning to understand who he was in Me and how much is My love for him.

 

My child, as David did, can’t you understand?

You are NOT an accident! Take a moment to comprehend what I just said to you. YOU ARE NOT an accident.

You and all your attributes, all your flaws, everything that makes you, you, is on purpose. I did not go on a bathroom break, take a long lunch, accidentally drop the mold, or have an oops moment, when I created you. I was so very focused and determined, as I knit you, making sure all of My thoughts about you were woven together to make you, you, and very, very much on purpose.

 

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

 

You can go forth throughout the Earth and search for an equal to the special you truly are.  From mountaintop to mountaintop, ocean to ocean, city to city, from the heights of the heaven’s, to the depths below, there cannot be found, another like you.

 

The enemy hates you because you’re My favorite. The enemy will go to any extreme, to stop you from realizing how magnificent and unique you truly are. He steals My love from your heart and your worth from your thoughts.

 

1 Peter 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

 

 Don’t believe his lies. Don’t let him steal your special and  most of all don’t let him steal our relationship, it means so much to me.

 

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

 

You suffer so much at the hand of our enemy. Yes your enemy is My enemy. Not one arrow he shot at you has gone unnoticed and will not go unpunished. I have caught and saved every single tear that fell from your eyes not allowing a single drop to hit the ground.

I have grieved your thoughts, your prayers, your time and your praise because of our enemy and his deception.

 

Nothing is hidden from me in all heaven and on Earth.

Hebrews 4:13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.

Your mind May trick you into believing you can hide your worst parts from me as you hide them from the world, your worst thoughts, desires, etc. But nothing can be hidden from me including the very reason such worst parts of you exist. I am aware the enemy wants you to believe you are beyond help, he wants you to believe you are bad, evil to your core, yet he doesn’t know you like I know you. I know the number of hairs on your head.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

 

I know your heart, the depths even you have been blinded from seeing.  

I watch with tears as you battle, thinking you are alone, For your struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

I am right there wanting so much for you to accept my help.

No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:14

The enemy disguised as light blinds you from the need and desire to seek me and know my voice because he would lose his control over your thoughts. Darling child learn my frequency my voice and guard your heart against any fake counterfeit trying to lead you astray.

 

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; John 10:27

 

The enemy says you’re addicted to drink, a drunkard, worthless. I say I love you and long to spend time with you.

The enemy says you’re an addict never going to stay clean, he says you are unworthy to be in the company of the church. I say I love you and you can come into my house.

 

The enemy says you are mean and full of hate, that no love exists in your black heart. I say I love you, allow me to be the wall of protection for I will guard your heart and save you from past hurts happening again.

 

I’ve longed for you to hear My voice, for you to feel My love, my arms wrapped around you, carrying you through the storm, for you to see My good works in your life. Oh how I yearn to be close to you. How long would the enemy be able to feed you lies about My character, My attributes, My mercy and My love, I often thought.

 

Child,

I long for you to truly understand, you are special! Even all your scars , brokenness, attitudes and temperaments. You are loved so much that when I sent My one and only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 I did that for you and even if only you accept Him, no other person in the world, just you, I wouldn’t change a thing. Jesus would have done all that He suffered for just you. You are so very important! You truly matter! It’s time you realize just how unique, amazing and special you are. There never has been, and never will be, ever again, anyone like you! Created within you, is something no one in the entire world has. One reason I GOD love you so much is because you, are the only you, I ever created. You are not replaceable.

 

You, are that one special gift I blessed the rest of the world with that no one else can offer the world. You, and you alone hold the right to decide if the world will receive the gift I placed within you. I took My time first, thinking about you, then, skillfully putting you together.  Psalm 139:13-14 For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

 

I know you haven’t always loved me, I’ve heard your angry cry’s as you often blame Me, I am aware of your chaotic thoughts as your understanding of your circumstances evades you, I watch your time fill up leaving no time to get to know me causing a canyon between us to form and yet, I want you to know it’s ok. I still love you. I still long for you to come home.

 

Listen to the TRUTH. You are not, I repeat, you are not, an accident, a second thought, an oops moment, a doesn’t add up, a wrong side of the tracks, a born into the wrong family or at the very least, wrong generation, etc. creation.

 

Understand, you are a very on purpose, vitally important, and much loved creation.

 

You see your only real mistake or problem is in the believing the lies of the enemy about yourselves and others.

 

To truly understand who you are, you only need ask your Creator and Savior. The key is knowing My voice so you can discern My answer, and that requires relationship.

 

The enemy would much rather you have religion instead of relationship and he will block every attempt you make toward relationship, in hopes that you will become discouraged, disappointed, disillusioned, most of all distracted. See you, can’t outwit him or win against him, but Jesus did, so then, by My Spirit living within you, you have authority over the enemy. Use your authority and help others to do the same. Come home to your Father Whom loves you.

 

Love,

Your Heavenly Father

 

These words were spoken to my spirit I believe from the Holy Spirit.

Until next time, may God bless you and keep you, while you seek Him with your whole heart.

 

P.S. Thank you truckers in Canada and around the world for standing for our freedom and for being an example of true patriotism. You did it, you’re doing it! May God bless you and your mission. May God bless all who have joined in and stand with you!

 

 

Finding our purpose

 

What if I told you that I know the secret to finding  our purpose in life? The secret to finding out who we are and why we’re here? Would you want to know the secret? Are you ready to receive it’s understanding and wisdom or is your guard still up against any true change the secret might reveal you still need to make within yourself?

I first should tell you up front, the secret will not advance you, it will not give you power or authority, it will not give you station, acceptance, emotional balance or a free pass of any sort. Knowing the secret will not magically make your life easier or make all your problems go away. On the contrary knowing the secret will challenge your ideals, your ways, your rights, your comforts even your beliefs. Lastly you should know that knowing the secret only helps those truly seeking truth.  The secret will only benefit those who seek it with all their heart. Those who have already exhausted all their own resources and understand how to surrender their crown while not giving up. It cannot help those who are just curious, those who don’t truly believe there is a purpose for them to seek, or those who think they already know their purpose.

So if you were just humoring me, or just wanting entertained, or just kind of curious, I will assure you now we are wasting your time. Knowing what the secret is, to finding your purpose will be of no use or value to you. So anyone still reading this I ask you, are you truly seeking to find your purpose? Is it the desire of your heart to fulfill the purpose you were created to fulfill?

So are you ready to hear the secret? Are you sitting down? The secret to finding your purpose, to finding out who you are and why you are here is; you won’t find it while clinging for dear life to what brings you comfort in the things of this world, or while still seeking the things you like, while seeking your happiness. The secret is simple really because it’s no secret at all.

Every single human being alive has one thing the rest of humanity needs. It’s something no one else can give the world as God gave it to you alone.  Sadly, not many ever find what their thing is because they don’t understand you can’t find your give while you still seek your take. While life is still about you and on what is fair you cannot find the piece of you that is to be given to everyone but yourself. If you still seek your own comfort and that which makes you feel happy and good, that which makes you feel accomplished, it acts like putting two North Poles together in magnetism. There is no possibility of attaching the two together, they push away from each other. They call it repulsion. So as long as you seek for yourself you repel from you, that which you were meant to give.

We were not created to be self-seeking, that is the fallen world’s way. Romans 12:4-5 For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.  We were created to be parts of a whole, each needed individually to make the whole come together. To find your purpose, the reason you were created, you must deny yourself, surrender your life to become a living sacrifice to the Will of God.  Romans 12:1-2 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

What never ceases to amaze me is the more servitude I practice the more God blesses me with the things I desire. He loves to see us excited, happy, surprised, and most of all He loves to hear us tell others what He has done for us.

There have been times I saw something I really wanted and I would mentally note the cost so I would remember once I had the money to go get it.  I wouldn’t even tell anyone else about wanting the item. Then, to my surprise, somehow that very item would show up on my desk, or someone would gift it to me, or I would find it in a second hand store. That was no coincidence! I knew exactly who really thought of me and blessed me.

Something I learned a long while ago was in everything I do whether it be washing dishes or changing diapers, talking to a friend or disciplining one of my kids, I need to do it in the way I would do it if I was doing it for Jesus Himself. I really never know when something has turned into a Divine Appointment . And I never really know when I’m entertaining an angel.  Hebrews 13:2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

As we learn to live as a Living Sacrifice the blessings become overflowing in our own life as I believe personally God set it up this way so we don’t need to concentrate on ourselves, we can concentrate on service to others in effect, service to Him and He maintains our needs and desires for us better than we ever could. Our job is to be a blessing to others, encourage, uplift, listen to hear, lend our shoulder, visit and show others how special they are to us and ultimately how special they are to Father God.

While doing this we’re not to worry about our own needs and desires, instead having faith in Father God, we entrust our own care to Him. This allows us to fully concentrate our love, God’s love unto others. The best part is, in so doing we give Father God opportunity to wow us as He shows us how much better He knows us and takes care of us then we do for ourselves.

So let me repeat, you can’t find your give while you still seek your take.  Let God seek for you while you fulfill your divine purpose. Until next time, may God bless you and keep you, while you seek Him with your whole heart.

PS.. Have you had an amazing experience in which Father God blessed you, leaving not even a tiny shred of doubtit was Him. I would love to hear about it. Please comment and share your experience.