Dear daughter

Dear daughter,
I just want you to know
it’s with a broken heart
I let you go
I want to stop you
and somehow make you stay
but it’s your life to live
and I can’t stand in your way

All I really want to do
is hold you in my arms
protect you from this hurting world
guard you from all harm
I know that it’s impossible
to spread your wings and fly
when your wings are tied together
under a mother’s watchful eye
so with my heart in pieces
holding back tears in my eyes
I’ll wave goodbye as I watch you go
and just in case you don’t know
my heart won’t beat the same
until you’re home

Dear daughter
seems we always disagree
burning Bridges go for miles and miles
that separate you and me
although we argue
and say things we don’t mean
my love for you is unshakable
even when we disagree

All I really want to do
is hold you in my arms
protect you from this hurting world
guard you from all harm
I know that it’s impossible
to spread your wings and fly
when your wings are tied together
under a mother’s watchful eye
so with my heart and pieces
holding back tears in my eyes
I’ll wave goodbye as I watch you go
just in case you don’t know
my heart won’t beat the same
until you’re home

Dear daughter
I’m sorry I ever let you down
to me you’re really special
I’m happiest with you around
I try so very hard
hoping you feel the same way
I guess if I hold too tight to you
I might smother you someday

All I really want to do
is hold you in my arms
protect you from this hurting world
guard you from all harm
I know that it’s impossible
to spread your wings and fly
when your wings are tied together
under a mother’s watchful eye
so with my heart and pieces
holding back tears in my eyes
I’ll wave goodbye as I watch you go
and just in case you don’t know
my heart won’t beat the same
until you’re home

Daughter I often pray
that there will come a day
you and I will gather all the pieces of the bridges we’ve burned down
Together build an unbreakable bridge to connect our hearts somehow
Until then,
with my heart in pieces holding back tears in my eyes
I’ll wave goodbye as I watch you go
but just in case you don’t know
my heart won’t beat the same
While your so far away
I’ll be counting all the days
until you’re finally home

Wandering closet stuffers

In today’s society we are not really just desert walker’s, like the Israelites. No, we seem to be more like closet stuffers.

Joshua 5:6 NLT — The Israelites had traveled in the wilderness for forty years until all the men who were old enough to fight in battle when they left Egypt had died. For they had disobeyed the LORD, and the LORD vowed he would not let them enter the land he had sworn to give us—a land flowing with milk and honey.

See the Israelites wondered 40 years in the desert after gaining their freedom from Egyptian captivity.  All because they chose to stay within the box of their victim mentality. They participated in the physical liberation but refused liberation of their minds and hearts. For the most part they were born into captivity and so were slaves their whole lives, so it stands to reason then, their minds and hearts were basically programmed as victims because of their captivity. Maybe they heard stories of the days their people were free, days in which they were not oppressed, stories that seemed probably like fairy tales as they faced their current daily circumstances.  Fact is, they as a whole cried out to God, knowing only an act of God would bring about even the possibility of ever being free.

Then, one day they watched, as God freed them from the Egyptians. They crossed the parted Red Sea, they followed the smoke cloud of God, and they ate daily, the manna God Himself provided each morning.

No matter how much proof they had through signs and wonders God performed before their very eyes, they just couldn’t free their minds and hearts. God led them out of captivity but they lacked the faith needed to break the chains of the victim mentality they habitually lived in. As I think on their journey, I’m of the opinion they had to have been literally making an effort not to trust in God. I guess I just can’t see, how a whole generation of people, could see miracles with their very own eyes, and then forget they happened before they breathe their next breath.

Either way I’d say they were complaining, selfish, desert wanderers. Just like I myself have been on numerous occasions.

I have often referred to in my life, when I am reluctantly going through trials and struggles meant to bring about change within me, as my desert time.

Truth is, although as practicing Christians, the time wandering the desert of change is necessary, these days we have become expert at knowing what people want from us and performing based on their desire and or requirements, even when we disagree. That fake it till you make it mentality. We stuff ourselves into the closet while we seek the approval of others, whether that be for a job, social group, family, or even a marriage. Our true self stays locked in the closet only allowed to come out once in awhile when no one is around to witness it. Some of us try to forget about what we locked away and so try to become the person we are portraying to the world that we are.

The problem is, we can’t actually become anything other than who we are unless we change as a whole. The neglected, locked away, forgotten about, part of who we are, is needed in order to bring about true change within ourselves. Doesn’t mean we have to like that part of ourselves, doesn’t mean we have to embrace that part of ourselves either. It just means we have to accept that part of ourselves as being part of who we are. Just because we may not like it and no matter how much we wish it wasn’t so, doesn’t allow us to just pluck it out like unwanted eyebrows.

Change is a process. True change happens when we are totally committed to said change. To be serious and committed to change it takes all of who we are, the parts we like and those we don’t like or even want to admit.

When we are born, we are; taught to cry in order to alert our parents or caregiver of a need, such as a wet diaper or hunger, or a want, such as being held and cuddled. We are taught, in a sense, to be selfish. We want or we need, therefore demand with a cry, and quickly receive.

Then once we have grown up to toddler age, we get the shock of our lives. At least the little bit of life we have at that point lived.

We get told no!!!

In essence, no  means the world no longer revolves around us. You see prior to our first being told no, all our wants and needs have been quickly met once demanded.

Now, we get told no, and so we cry, to no avail. Our cry no longer gets the desired results. A battle begins, as we fight for our way and our parents or caregiver fight for our understanding that the world no longer revolves around us.

There was a season in our lives, from birth until toddler, where the world needed to revolve around us. It was just that, a season of time, once that season of time came to an end, we had to be taught the world no longer revolved around us, hence the move into a new season of our lives.  

Ecclesiastes 3:1 NLT — For everything there is a season, A time for every activity under heaven.

Sometimes, moving into this new season is difficult no matter how old we get. When we’re being taught, from that toddler age on, that the world no longer revolves around us, it is hard to understand because all we ever knew was that the world did revolve around us. All we had to do was cry out to be comforted or taken care of.  Now in this new season, we find out there are hard lessons to learn that can cause heartache and tears. Lessons that teach us how to survive in a world that in fact, does not, revolve around us.  It is not that our parents or caregiver means to punish us or cause us pain, they just have to teach us, so that we don’t end up with worse pain.  So they show us the right way, even though it is hard to learn.

Just because something was allowed in one season of our lives, doesn’t mean that we will be able to have it in the next season, or even the season after that.  It means, that we needed it for the season that is finished, and we may not be allowed it in the season to come. It was there for a purpose and the purpose was now gone. The very first season of our lives, from birth to toddler, it is needed for us to believe that the world in fact, revolves around us, so that we will ask for our desire and need. Once we have passed the season in which we need to cry out, that world revolving around us mentality, is no longer needed and so we now, must be taught, what we need for the next season of our lives while learning to let go of the previous season.

The Israelites couldn’t let go of their season of slavery and so could never embrace the season of The promised Land.

We, even though we try to forget the closet part of ourselves, will make decisions with that part in mind. If we truly don’t want to continue being haunted by the parts of us we feel ashamed of or that we ourselves don’t like, we first have to face it, understand just because it’s something within ourselves doesn’t mean we can’t hate it and choose to change it. It’s just until we admit it and allow ourselves to hate it we can’t change it. To truly change and make the change stick we first have to change our heart. To change our heart we only have to change our mind.

We need to understand that having a desire to change a part of who we are, is in no way, a decision that we aren’t good enough, or that we aren’t worthy, etc. Etc., when in comparison to others in this world. It does give us wisdom in that we are less than worthy of God’s love.  The fact that we have the ability because of Jesus to notice a way in us that just doesn’t seem to fit the righteousness of God, tells how wise, humble, and worthy we really are.

Hiding ourselves stuffed in a closet only causes a rollercoaster of trying and failing change. Acceptance of everything about us, after taking a real honest look at what we have hidden, will allow us to confess our knowledge of it and then decide to hate it and ultimately, opening the door to true change.

This is what repentance does for us. Father God already knows the closet part of us.

Romans 5:8 CSB — But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

We may be able to fool other people, but we cannot fool God,  Who sees all and even though He sees all, still loves us so much that He sent his son to die for us, that we might be reconciled to Him. Repentance allows this so long as we are looking truthfully and honestly at who we really are.

Psalm 32:5 NLT — Finally, I confessed all my sins to you And stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

Closet stuffing and wandering in the wilderness are traps the enemy sets to blind us from moving into our new season. The enemy doesn’t want us to know we have graduated. The enemy will stop at nothing to steal our hope, kill our joy and destroy our faith.

The Lord Jesus fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah as we read in,

Luke 4:18-19 NLT — “The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, For he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, That the blind will see, That the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD’s favor has come.”

We may choose to stay trapped by the enemies lies but the absolute truth is, we don’t have to! We can claim our freedom as we were bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus! Victory is ours because the battle is the Lord’s!!

Until next time may God bless you and keep you as you seek Him with your whole heart!

 

You are not an accident

To my daughter who was left to tread the muddy waters alone. As your little ones look to you for structure, guidance, discipline and love I see every single piece of the shattered heart you so courageously hide for the sake of the innocent.

 

To my son sitting there on the park bench alone, wondering if you could take your own life, instead of seeing the sad disappointment in the eyes of your family, having lost everything as payment for the years of hard work and sacrifice you so loyally gave. I know, through the hopeless desperation you feel, strength is your outward adornment, to save your loved ones from the fear and worry you know so very well.

 

To my young daughter who runs in the night, unsure of your destination, so long as it is far from his sight and also to my young son who has not a friend in the world, as life deals you the double tragedy of, the sudden loss of your family and your home.

 

To all my son’s and daughter’s who sacrifice every dream, every party, every holiday spent with family, every 1st of your growing child, and so many others sacrifices’ including your very life, to keep your country safe and secure. You may think no one notices what you are truly suffering, the things you go through without so much as a thank you from those your risking your lives to protect. I see, I see the deep grief from loss and I know the struggle to continue serving a world so un-appreciating and blind to what it truly takes so they can sleep in peace at night.

  

To all my children who can’t breathe, even a breath of relief, from the sorrow, heartache, and relentless pain you know and live each day of your life.

 

You are not an accident. You are not alone. You are not unworthy.

 I’ve been waiting for so long to finally have this opportunity to speak to you. Time is short and right now the most important thing to Me, is this message getting to you.

 

Will you hear what I want to say?

 

My Word that was written for you says, Psalm 139:15-16 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

You see David, a man after My own heart, wrote that as he was Inspired by My Spirit. He was beginning to understand who he was in Me and how much is My love for him.

 

My child, as David did, can’t you understand?

You are NOT an accident! Take a moment to comprehend what I just said to you. YOU ARE NOT an accident.

You and all your attributes, all your flaws, everything that makes you, you, is on purpose. I did not go on a bathroom break, take a long lunch, accidentally drop the mold, or have an oops moment, when I created you. I was so very focused and determined, as I knit you, making sure all of My thoughts about you were woven together to make you, you, and very, very much on purpose.

 

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

 

You can go forth throughout the Earth and search for an equal to the special you truly are.  From mountaintop to mountaintop, ocean to ocean, city to city, from the heights of the heaven’s, to the depths below, there cannot be found, another like you.

 

The enemy hates you because you’re My favorite. The enemy will go to any extreme, to stop you from realizing how magnificent and unique you truly are. He steals My love from your heart and your worth from your thoughts.

 

1 Peter 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

 

 Don’t believe his lies. Don’t let him steal your special and  most of all don’t let him steal our relationship, it means so much to me.

 

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

 

You suffer so much at the hand of our enemy. Yes your enemy is My enemy. Not one arrow he shot at you has gone unnoticed and will not go unpunished. I have caught and saved every single tear that fell from your eyes not allowing a single drop to hit the ground.

I have grieved your thoughts, your prayers, your time and your praise because of our enemy and his deception.

 

Nothing is hidden from me in all heaven and on Earth.

Hebrews 4:13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.

Your mind May trick you into believing you can hide your worst parts from me as you hide them from the world, your worst thoughts, desires, etc. But nothing can be hidden from me including the very reason such worst parts of you exist. I am aware the enemy wants you to believe you are beyond help, he wants you to believe you are bad, evil to your core, yet he doesn’t know you like I know you. I know the number of hairs on your head.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

 

I know your heart, the depths even you have been blinded from seeing.  

I watch with tears as you battle, thinking you are alone, For your struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

I am right there wanting so much for you to accept my help.

No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:14

The enemy disguised as light blinds you from the need and desire to seek me and know my voice because he would lose his control over your thoughts. Darling child learn my frequency my voice and guard your heart against any fake counterfeit trying to lead you astray.

 

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; John 10:27

 

The enemy says you’re addicted to drink, a drunkard, worthless. I say I love you and long to spend time with you.

The enemy says you’re an addict never going to stay clean, he says you are unworthy to be in the company of the church. I say I love you and you can come into my house.

 

The enemy says you are mean and full of hate, that no love exists in your black heart. I say I love you, allow me to be the wall of protection for I will guard your heart and save you from past hurts happening again.

 

I’ve longed for you to hear My voice, for you to feel My love, my arms wrapped around you, carrying you through the storm, for you to see My good works in your life. Oh how I yearn to be close to you. How long would the enemy be able to feed you lies about My character, My attributes, My mercy and My love, I often thought.

 

Child,

I long for you to truly understand, you are special! Even all your scars , brokenness, attitudes and temperaments. You are loved so much that when I sent My one and only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 I did that for you and even if only you accept Him, no other person in the world, just you, I wouldn’t change a thing. Jesus would have done all that He suffered for just you. You are so very important! You truly matter! It’s time you realize just how unique, amazing and special you are. There never has been, and never will be, ever again, anyone like you! Created within you, is something no one in the entire world has. One reason I GOD love you so much is because you, are the only you, I ever created. You are not replaceable.

 

You, are that one special gift I blessed the rest of the world with that no one else can offer the world. You, and you alone hold the right to decide if the world will receive the gift I placed within you. I took My time first, thinking about you, then, skillfully putting you together.  Psalm 139:13-14 For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

 

I know you haven’t always loved me, I’ve heard your angry cry’s as you often blame Me, I am aware of your chaotic thoughts as your understanding of your circumstances evades you, I watch your time fill up leaving no time to get to know me causing a canyon between us to form and yet, I want you to know it’s ok. I still love you. I still long for you to come home.

 

Listen to the TRUTH. You are not, I repeat, you are not, an accident, a second thought, an oops moment, a doesn’t add up, a wrong side of the tracks, a born into the wrong family or at the very least, wrong generation, etc. creation.

 

Understand, you are a very on purpose, vitally important, and much loved creation.

 

You see your only real mistake or problem is in the believing the lies of the enemy about yourselves and others.

 

To truly understand who you are, you only need ask your Creator and Savior. The key is knowing My voice so you can discern My answer, and that requires relationship.

 

The enemy would much rather you have religion instead of relationship and he will block every attempt you make toward relationship, in hopes that you will become discouraged, disappointed, disillusioned, most of all distracted. See you, can’t outwit him or win against him, but Jesus did, so then, by My Spirit living within you, you have authority over the enemy. Use your authority and help others to do the same. Come home to your Father Whom loves you.

 

Love,

Your Heavenly Father

 

These words were spoken to my spirit I believe from the Holy Spirit.

Until next time, may God bless you and keep you, while you seek Him with your whole heart.

 

P.S. Thank you truckers in Canada and around the world for standing for our freedom and for being an example of true patriotism. You did it, you’re doing it! May God bless you and your mission. May God bless all who have joined in and stand with you!