My tree is full of fruit,
people pick to eat.
The fruit I bare,
so they say,
is heart warming and sweet.
Gentleness and kindness,
joyfulness and love,
patience and understanding,
people never get enough.
My fruit is disappearing,
no one seems to care,
they’ll no longer have the fruit,
from the tree they love to share.
I’ve been blown in the breeze,
I’ve been left out in the cold,
I’ve been trampled in the dirt,
now my fruit begins to mold.
Have you ever had a real broken heart? I’m not talking about I’ll miss you, cry for a few days and be over it kind of broken heart. I’m talking about that ache deep in your core, somewhere between your lungs and above your stomach. That block, something is there but you cant get it out. No amount of tears can help you. That desperation kind of heartache. You try to keep busy so you don’t have time to dwell on it but it traps you. You cant move. You either want to die or make it go away. Have you ever had this kind of broken heart?
I used to live with this broken heart everyday. I was continually suffocated by it. Sometimes I would get relief for an hour, maybe a day, but then it would just come back to torture me again and again. It wasn’t about loosing the love of my life, he was still there right beside me, trying to understand how I could be so happy yet so utterly unhappy at the same time. It was not about loosing my children, their smiling faces would shine up at me everyday just wishing mommy had the power to smile more often. You see, it wasn’t about loosing a loved one to the hereafter, or not having my dreams fulfilled, or being alone. No, the hardest thing was, it was not because I had anything to be unhappy about.
I had a wonderful life. I was surrounded by people who loved and supported me. Problems? Sure, I have lived a life of ups and downs, but who hasn’t? We all have burdens to bear. In fact, I couldn’t pinpoint one thing to be heart broken about in my life.
There it is! An unending, unyielding, broken, shattered heart for absolutely no reason at all. How do you beat that? How do you heal that? How do you make it stop? When hurt by circumstances, it is easy enough to just change the circumstances, then just like that the hurt is gone. What could I do about this broken heart? It was just there taking over my mind and body as it pleased. How could I make it stop? How could I continue to live with the unending pain that would catch me off guard and wanted to destroy me?
It seems that, all around us are the devil’s lies. Most of which we haven’t even discovered are lies and so still believe them as truth. So many of us go through our days just trying to breathe, searching for hope, all while feeling tired and alone. So much of the feedback we receive from others is muddied and often hollow, for brokenness, heartache and struggle make up the true pandemic these days.
Everyone is hurting, everyone is struggling just to barely survive. Each of us in our own personal way, gasp for air as the waves carry us away.
Where is a hearing and listening heart?
Where is a timeless shoulder? Where is a cheerful giver?
Where is a non-complainer?
Where is an encouraging speaker? Where is an unbiased leader?
Our society as a whole, it seems, took a path that felt good and sounded right. We never saw the dividing wall through all the laughter and the smiles. Smooth and Sly the serpents invisible walls started to divide. Broken homes, broken friendships, broken families, broken countries, broken lives. Everyone must fend for themselves, no time for another’s problems and strife. What about me, what about me, what about me we all cry! None seem able to put themselves aside.
Have we, become so deceived, blind, full of wishful thinking, rose colored glasses wearing or downright truth ignoring, in today’s society?
Have we, in an effort to build ourself up, to love ourselves, to self motivate, really become shut off and cold to each other? Have we hardened our hearts, taking the community out of humanity?
Ashamed I fell to the floor and surrender my crown, asking the Lord to take the lead, when in my spirit I heard, if you want to change your heart and find the purpose to your life, all you have to do is change your mind. Fix your eyes upon Almighty God and refuse to believe the world and all its lies. It’s your choice when your confusion finally dies.
In this upside-down world amidst sorrow and pain, there is still a beautiful joy to be found. John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
Jesus said in John 15:11, “These things I have spoken to you so My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.”
I no longer live in that almost constant state of depression. Jesus pursued me and found me thirsty! Hungry for what only He can provide, to this day He never ceases to fill me up. Even with all my sadness, my flaws, He pursued even me. Wow!
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
— Philippians 4:4.
Until next time, may God bless you and keep you, as you seek Him with your whole heart.
If I cannot humble myself to God’s will, with complete surrender and sacrifice of my own ways, needs and desires, then it is foolishness to believe myself a vessel of servitude, reflecting God’s goodness, love and mercy unto others. If I need things my way and in my timing He will step aside and allow me to act like a spoiled princess. At this point, I am then operating according to my own belief, understanding and strength. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB) Says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. He will not try things my way which is limited to my understanding of the world because it’s measure is based on the amount of world I have experienced. Therefore my experience is not even a grain of sand held up beside the size of Earth in comparison to His understanding. No He will not join me in doing what I want, but He will allow me the freedom to choose selfishness over sacrifice. As I linger in my own understanding, living life my way, He stands ready to pick right back up where we left off as soon as my temper tantrum subsides and my realization kicks in of his understanding and my understanding are as an ant to the size of the universe. While operating in my own understanding, belief and strength my life is experienced accordingly. If I see something sad I may react over emotionally and when I feel angry I may permanently damage relationships by my emotionally unrestrained actions and words. All of which God will patiently allow as he gently and persistently calls me back to the safety of his arms and the faith in His ability to guide me in the right way. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.— Proverbs 12:15(NASB) If I want to decide what’s good for me, what I desire most and demand my rights, Father God will step aside and let me live by what I think and feel is best for me no matter how tiny my best may be in comparison to his best for me. When I insist on doing what I think is right, best, fair, etc. I am then operating within my own strength and abilities. Physical pain may become worse or even unbearable, relationships suffer as emotions become heightened and I start to think my suffering for the sake of others goes unappreciated. Fatigue sets in and time disappears without a trace. My to do’s pile high while my sleep is scarce. Although I may try with all my might, I will fail miserably at portraying The Fruit of His Spirit in my life during this time. Operating in my own understanding and strength will eventually lead me right back to a place of desperation much like where I had started from. What may look to me like a good; thing, way, word, service, etc., is not always good. And how often have I really checked my true motive? See one of the absolute hardest things to do is pay close attention to how we are operating from the inside and what really motivates our actions and decisions. Often coming to realize the natural, almost habitual way we unthinkingly are led by selfish motivation, seems we’re always in some way looking out for ourselves. Sure we can be more then willing to help those we love along the way and even truly sacrifice for them. But if we stopped to look within our own hearts, unbiased, open to truth, would we find out we lie even to ourselves? If our heart is what Father God judges, doesn’t it stand to reason then that we should know what’s in there for him to judge? So many of us avoid even a slight glance into our own hearts because we know that we never cleaned up all the shattered pieces we shoved in there over and over again from past trauma pain and sorrow. We habitually keep shoving the broken pieces back in there deciding we will get to it after the pain eases a little. Our reasoning that we need to be prepared and ready before we go there is why so many of us just never go there. James 4:8-10(NASB) tells us, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. How long will we wander in the wilderness of our testing before we open our eyes to what needs changing within us? Sometimes we linger in the wilderness, heavy with the burden of the trial, never seeing the light of our breakthrough that leads to our promised blessing. We cannot overcome a wrong attitude, a wrong behavior, or a wrong pattern of thought while we are still trying to justify it. Once we lay down our crown with complete surrender, He promises, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. “— Psalm 32:8 (NASB) And He tells us, For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. — Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB) And remember friends, for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. — Philippians 2:13(NASB) Until next time may God bless you and keep you as you seek him with all your heart.
